on maturity and self gratification

Dear Sir,

I’m currently following 3 T.V. series every week: Downton Abbey, Grey’s Anatomy, and The Walking Dead. 5 if you would include Suits which I’m currently watching, and Once Upon A Time which I’m planning to watch after Suits. I’m also planning to finish Ally McBeal, it’s just 5 seasons (I think), and if I remember correctly I stopped watching at the 2nd season. I finished all ten seasons of Smallville last year w/in 4 months, so yeah, I don’t have doubts that I’ll finish all these shows.

So I’m/’ll be watching a period drama, hospital drama, fairy tail drama, 2 legal/court room dramas, and a zombie drama. Last year I finished a comic book drama. You get the picture. This is the story of my life thus far. I quit my job 3 weeks ago after my boss got laid off. Honestly I was only staying in the company because I can’t leave her. Apparently that was a bad move. I should have left the moment I can. But whatever, I’m young, I can afford to make bad decisions. Anyway, so I’m stiff in my butt everyday watching shows and surfing the net. I don’t even watch decent films, just a bunch of series that would make a good blog topic but have very little eternal significance. I don’t even pick up one dusty paper back from my pile of unread books. This is the life of a 20-something bum. I have no job and my parents are starting to get worried. In fact my father is starting to ask my mom what my plans are, I’m quite thankful that we don’t talk about stuff like that. I know what they want me to do. I feel like the eldest of three siblings even though I’m not. I was the first one to graduate, I came from a prestigious university (one of the top three in the country) and I know that my parents expect me to get a high paying job. Well I can’t, not this time. I don’t think it will happen anytime soon. I don’t even know what I’m doing. I should be writing, and I am. I’m just distracted a little that’s all. I was supposed to go to an interview last Thursday but they cancelled because apparently they don’t need anymore people. I get the feeling that they didn’t hire me because I’m a Christian and that my views won’t quite fit their culture.

I can’t quite find the urge to write these days. It’s not writer’s block. In fact I already have a draft, I have tons of ideas, and I know this review is going to be really good. But I’m sleepy even though I slept for 13 hours last night. I read an article just now about the 7 signs of maturity and the #1 item was a mature person can keep long term commitments, that one key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. Part of this means a student is able to keep commitments even when they’re no longer new, novel, or they don’t feel like it. That’s not me sir, definitely not me. I’m supposed to be writing a review about this brilliant brechtian play I watched (for free) last Saturday night. It’s been a week and I haven’t written anything. Instead I’m watching hot brilliant lawyers in $500 Suits! I don’t feel like writing, I’m gratifying and I’m making excuses! And I’m sleepy sir, which means I can’t think straight (making an excuse here). Oh, and I started becoming nocturnal again which means my appetite is picking up, which means I’ll get fat again. All those walks will be for nothing.

note to self:



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