The last of the Twilight Saga films finally came out. I can now move on with my life. It was a good finale, sort of. 80% was crap, but they spiced it up a little in the end to make a ‘better version’, it didn’t work though, but it did catch my attention, and probably the fan’s. You do not kill the alpha-male vampire! No you do not! My heart broke on that one. Anyway, The Twilight Saga played an embarrassingly huge part in my young-adult life. I was a Twi-hard sir, you know one of those screeching fan girls. Pathetic. Thank God I got over it. I read Twilight at least 3 times, and rest of the books at least twice. Obsessed was an understatement, it was more of an idolatry, one of those you surrender so you can rid yourself of it.
What was I supposed to say? Oh yeah, marriage. That’s one thing that Breaking Dawn part 2 brought to the fore (for me at least). I’m in my 20s, I think that’s enough reason to think of marriage. I dunno, but the film kept repeating the word ‘forever’. What does that mean really? I mean its used so haphazardly, but do we really know what the word entails? The gravity of it? Couples within the Cullen family have been married for a long time, longer than the average lifetime. Alice and Jasper have been married for at least 50 years. Rosalie and Emmett renew there vows every decade since the 1930s, and Esme and Carlisle got married more than 90 years ago. I know it’s all fictional but the point is, and since I’m talking about vampires, immortality, and death, I wonder how that works for them? Don’t they get tired of each other? Don’t they tire of each other’s attitudes and flaws? How do they resolve their differences? How does that work? Because one thing I know about marriage and “Til death do us part” is that “death” is easy, it’s the “til” part that’s difficult.
I’ve seen too many failed marriages sir, empty marriages in which the only thing keeping them in the same house is the lack of divorce in my country. I’ve seen too many broken children due to broken marriages. And I do know that “love”, as the world equates it to feelings, does not make for a successful marriage, because if it’s just feelings then its destined to crash and burn. Two incomplete individuals founded on feelings , that’s disaster sir. Love is a verb, not a feeling. That’s why I’m scared of marriage sir, I’m scared of commitments. Because marriage is an everyday decision to commit and share all aspects of your life with another person. You are not just one person. Yourself includes another. One flesh. You’ll be naked, an open book – and that’s the scary part. Because as of now I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready to show another flawed person the entirety of my own flawed self. When it said that the man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame I think it meant more than the physical aspect. It meant naked in the fullness and depth of your being: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, past, present etc. To be naked physically is easier than the other aspects of nakedness. The security and courage to be fully naked requires both man and woman to be inside the garden: in the presence of God and within His purpose – that’s paradise sir. I guess that’s where security and identity takes play. I don’t want to commit until I am fully secure…complete in Christ, because if I do commit and yet remain insecure I’ll end up anchoring my security on that person, which means I’ll be sucking the life out of him. I don’t want that sir. I’m still too exasperated with the short comings of people around me. I’m more exasperated with my own short comings. Still working on that – will require grace after truth after repentance after faith after much grace…repeat.
Do you know one of my dreams sir? I do not dream of a beautiful wedding, (well maybe I do, but more than that) I dream to grow old with someone, and yet after decades of living together, after knowing every tiny detail, warts and all, I dream of looking at this person and see our shared life in the wrinkles and the smile lines, and yet still giddy like two crazed teenagers.
“We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.”
Yes sir, I’m campy and corny. Who cares. Bite me 😛