My pink and white suitcase sits quietly in a corner under the stairs, a looming reminder of the things to come. I’m leaving next week. If all go as planned, I’ll probably build a life there, not permanently, but it all depends on His Majesty. What’s for sure is I’ll be away for months. I don’t know what’s to happen. I’ve never lived anywhere except Manila. This is a big leap for me, scary leap; uncomfortable and uncertain. Somethng I am very much willing to take.
As a wannabe writer, I owe it to myself and to the world to experience much of the most collective yet personal of human experiences. Traveling is one of those. We as a specie have walked and sailed far off in search of new worlds. I guess it is imbedded deep in our system to step out the front door, belongings in hand, and leave the parents’ house. My reason for leaving? I have too much fear in me, have succumbed to it far too long. This time, I refuse to listen. This time, I’ve decided that there are plenty of things more important than my fear. This time, I’m choosing courage. And my gaaaadd, I am nervous.
In the past weeks I’ve realized a few insights that I have no idea if it came from His Majesty or just a form of justification I’ve deluded myself to believe to lighten lump on my throat & thump on my chest. Here goes:
- Most of life is made up of the in-betweens, why spend my time waiting on the next big moments. Sure the big moments stand out, they are the ones that burn in memory. But these are mostly few and far in-between. I should enjoy the pauses instead of walking around in a zombie state, living each day in a blur, barely remembering a thing. Which reminds me, King David wrote something about that, “Teach us realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom,” amen brother (side note: he’s a poet, musician, singer, dancer, soldier, king, the guy’s a freakin’ rockstar! Definitely asking for his autograph when I meet him in heaven)
- This is not our destination, we are just passing through. – There’s this dinner scene in the film Before Midnight where an old lady talks about her deceased husband. She was starting to forget how he looked so she fights to retain every detail of him: his eyes, his teeth, the way he smiled, how he walks down the street whistling. She ended with, ”and we are so important to some, but we are just passing through.” The table was silenced, then the male lead raised his glass, ”To passing through,” and it struck me. This is not the end, it’s not the point. We are just passing through, why waste time making myself comfortable, making this world my heaven.
- This is an epic story. So start living it. – A few days ago I stumbled upon this book called Epic by John Elderidge. It cements him as one of my favorite authors. Lord knows I have too much books in my shelf, dusting away left unread. But Elderidge’s had me by his constant reference to Lord Of The Rings, and Gladiator, and Titanic. This is an epic story. There is a villain, a hero, and a distressed. We are caught in a cosmic battle between good and evil that begun before the beginning of time. The villain owns us but we rightfully belong to the hero. He saves us but does not leave us helpless. We are not left on our own. He takes us to an adventure. We are drafted by the King for a specific mission only we can perform. He trains and equips us, using our gifts as weapons to demolish the forces of the enemy. We are given specific fields of battle and yet all of it is a master plan to win the war. The best part? The end has already been written. The Prince on a white horse will ride on this earth wielding his sword to defeat the enemy. Our part now is to advance the kingdom of His Majesty. To be instruments of redemption for the lost souls and captured people of the King.
What was my point? Oh yeah. Thus is the context of my leaving. I will embark on an adventure with His Majesty. Wherever He takes me I will gladly go, so long as I am with Him. It won’t be comfortable. But if this means I will have to rely solely on Him for my everyday living, if it means growing in a relationship because of proximity, need, and sheer uncertainty, if it means walking by faith on water, then let’s go.
This will be fun.
written October 27, 2013